It's been a long time..

It's been over a year since I have written on my blog.  A very hard year.  Both of my parents passed away in the summer of 2011, just two months apart.  My last posting was about buying a house for my mom to come and live with us.  She passed before she was able to move in.  Now I have the perfect house for my mom and no mom.  It has been harder than I ever dreamed possible. BUT I have been richly blessed with wonderful, incredible family and friends that have supported me.  I haven't felt like writing until now. 
I was asked to share a story, actually write it out, for our women's bible study next week. I reminded me that there is so much God has shown me over the years and I feel like for the first time in a long time. I'm ready to share!
It has been an amazing year of learning to trust when I can't see the answer, when I don't know the outcome.  I feel like I have about a million posts bubbling up inside of me, so watch out!
Thoughout the process of grieving, growing and learing I have continually been gripped by HIS grace to me a sinner. Absolutely amazed at how much His love is poured out to me though His body.  This past October I had open heart surgery and the journey of healing has been way longer and WAY slower than I had anticipated.  I am used to going and meeting people and to feel like I want to just sleep, well I can't get used to that.  So I have been spending a lot of time with the Lord. What a glorious time we have had! Again about a million post bubbling inside.  I can't wait to share with you all that He has been showing me and teaching me.
So stop back often.  I'm anxious to share with you some grace stories.
The first is the one I wrote about for our women's bible study this week.
I wish I could remember the woman's name who spoke at the retreat, Mary something but I will always remember what she shared.
I hope you enjoy the story and are challenged to walk in obediance.
Love
Marie

The Holy Spirit and Onions                                                   

I went to retreat years ago and the speaker was sharing about what it looked like to daily walk surrendered to the Holy Spirit.  She shared a story I will never forget.

She mentioned that in her quite time this particular morning she prayed and told the Lord that she wanted to walk totally surrendered. “Whatever that means Lord I want to listen and obey. ”  She was on her way to the grocery store continually praying that God would use her.  She went into the grocery store praying, “Oh Lord I want to be surrendered to your Holy Spirit whatever you call me to do.”

She got to the produce aisle and was having a sweet time just praising the Lord. She heard the still small voice whisper, Sing praise to me. 

Oh of course Lord, she said. So in her mind she began to sing.  Again she heard the Lord speak to her heart, Sing out loud. 

Out loud?  Lord, I’m in the middle of Safeway.  Right in front of the onions?  If I start signing, Oh what a friend we have in Jesus, people will think I’m crazy. 

Sing out loud

But Lord..

Did you not just this morning tell me you wanted to hear and obey my voice?

Ok Lord, she said.  I will obey.  So she closed her eyes, she didn’t want to see the people’s reaction.  She very quietly began to sing.

Oh what a friend we have in Jesus.

 All our sins and grief’s to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer.

She began to sing a little louder

Oh what peace we often forfeit.

Oh, what needless pain we bear.

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer.

By now she was having church right there in the produce aisle.  Right there with the onions. 

She opened her eyes to see a young man weeping in front of her.  She stopped singing and asked the young man, “Are you ok?” 

”No ma’am  I’m not.  You see my mom used to sing that song to me all the time.  I haven’t talked to her in over a year and I’ve made some very bad choices.  I was unloading the onions and I was so sad missing my mom that I cried out and said God if you are real I need to know right now!  I heard you softly singing that song and I was going to just walk away and then you got louder and I couldn’t ignore it.”

She shared how she had the opportunity to pray with that young man and lead him back to his savior.

God desires to invite us into amazing experiences just like that if we are willing to surrender to the Holy Spirit and yield to His small voice. 

 Even if it’s singing in the produce aisle!

Why do we pray?

Ever since becoming a Christ follower I have believed in the power of prayer.  I believed that when you pray God hears and answers your prayer. I have prayed for sick children, aging parents, and parking spots! I have seen answers to prayers; I have experienced miracles first hand and have seen God do amazing things.  So why was I so surprised when God answered my latest request?  Let me back up and give you some background. The end of May, my sweet father passed away.  He was 89 and very ready to go home to meet his Lord. I was just not ready to have him go. My mom decided she did not want to live alone down in Florida but would rather live with me up in Michigan.  I was thrilled but that meant I would have to sell my house and buy one more conducive to mom’s mobility.  I live in a bi-level and she uses a walker.  I told everyone I know to pray for a quick sale of our home.  I prayed and asked others to pray.  We listed the house on Wednesday and by Thursday we had 3 showings and 3 offers.  We ended up selling for more than we were asking.  I couldn’t believe it. Really?  Had I not prayed?  Had I not believed God could do beyond what I had asked? 

As a believer I was familiar with God not answering my prayer in the way I was asking. I had counseled people on how to deal with the seemingly “unanswered” prayer. How God always answers, just not in the way we ask.  I asked God to heal my dad; His answer was to heal him completely by taking him home.  I would pray for a friend’s marriage and see God move in her heart to soften and heal old wounds but His answer while always the best was 9 times out of 10 not directly what I had prayed.  I was always amazed at the lessons I would learn about trusting and obeying.  About letting go and allowing Him to have control.  That I was comfortable with, but this?  Answering my prayer exactly the way I had asked?  Even down to the exact amount I was hoping to sell for. This was something new. This was something I really had not experienced before.  Nothing this dramatic, this miraculous, this totally against the way the market was.  When I would ask people to pray I would hear, “Wow it will take a miracle in this market” What are you going to do if your house doesn’t sell?  Are you going to rent? Maybe you could put your mom in assisted living, because your house probably won’t sell in this market.” When it did sell I realized just how much I had let doubt cloud my prayers. In James 1:6-8 it says;

But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.
Verse 7-8 in The Message reads this way;
People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.
It hit me when I read that. Is that how I pray?  Do I “worry my prayers”? Do I ask God but keep my options open, saying in essence, yes I believe you can do what I am asking but I have a Plan B just in case.  Is trusting and really giving God control letting go of my plan B?  I think that is exactly what James is saying and exactly what God wanted to teach me through this house sale.  Now I know that God still answers our prayers in ways that we aren’t expecting and we are planning on but what happens when He does?  I found that I am completely overwhelmed with Him.  My faith grew because it was as if He was saying, Marie I got this one.  No worries, daughter, trust me I am your Plan A-Z"

What about you?  Do you pray believing God will do what He says He will do, trusting Him with the outcome?  Or do you, “worry your prayers” keeping all your options open?
Let’s commit to trust God deeper and believe Him more.  When we pray let’s put our faith in God ALONE, putting our total loyalty in Him alone!

After I wrote this post my sweet mom passed away.  It is bittersweet to move into the house we bought to share with her.  I will post more on the journey...

A Crown of Grace, A Chain of Honor

This summer I decided to write out the book of Proverbs.  I purchased a really cool journal specially designed for this project.  It is called The 17:18 Series and it is based on Deuteronomy 17:18. Moses commands the king to not simply acquire a copy of the law from the scroll publishing house, but to hand write his own copy of the law.  The purpose of such a copy written by his own hand was so that he would read it, learn to fear the Lord, obey the commands of the Lord  so that his heart would not turn away from the Lord.  I thought the concept was interesting and I really wanted to try it.  I bought the book. The next day I was on a plane to Florida.  My father had taken a turn for the worse and I was rushing to his bedside.  I got there in time to say goodbye. I joined my mom, my four siblings, my daughter and some of my nieces and nephews as we sang Amazing Grace , my sweet father breathed his last breath on this earth and started his new life in heaven.

The next day I sat down to begin my “proverbs project”.   As I wrote out the first 11 verses of  Chapter 1, I was struck at how we are told that these proverbs will give us understanding and wisdom. Then I came to verse 8, “listen when your father corrects you, and don’t neglect your mothers teaching.  Verse 9 continues, what you learn from them will crown you with grace and will be a chain of honor around your neck.”

I was struck by the imagery of a crown of grace and a chain of honor.  I have learned so much from my parents. So much about grace and forgiveness, about mercy and love, about giving the benefit of the doubt, not judging but accepting, about always seeing the good in someone.

A crown of grace and a chain of honor.  When I think about all my father taught me all that he modeled to me;

Grace to forgive when I didn’t want to, to accept others, to love the unlovable.

My dad showed me that to extend mercy was not a sign of weakness but of strength. 

That you cannot out give God.  My dad had the most giving spirit of anyone I know.  He always was willing to give of himself and his time no matter the personal cost.

My dad taught me to wait before you speak.  To ask yourself is it kind, is it necessary, is it truthful before saying anything.  After he lost his voice to cancer of the larynx he told me he couldn’t believe how many useless words he had used. 

Dad taught me to always see the best in people.  That a kind and encouraging word was worth more than silver and gold, though Dad would often say he would take the gold and silver too.

He taught me how to accept loss graciously.  When I got a chronic illness, he shared with me it wasn’t so much what you do but how you do it.  That loss was a part of life and that to be gracious was a more pleasant way to live.

My Dad was a wonderful storyteller.  No one could spin a yarn quite like my dad.  Even after losing his voice the stories never stopped.  He showed me that stories where a big part of sharing who you were, after all he would say, Jesus shared in stories.  When I see my dad again in heaven, oh the stories he will share!

John ends his gospel with these words;

Jesus also did many other things.  If they were written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written.  John 21:25

That’s how I feel, if I was to share all the many lessons my father taught me, it would take a lifetime.  So instead I will wear them as a crown of grace and a chain of honor.

The Long and Winding Road

The long and winding road..That song by The Beatles, was going through my mind as I laid in the hospital room wondering if they would be able to figure out what was wrong with me.

That is what this journey has seemed like, a  long and winding road going nowhere. 
A few weeks ago I started bleeding and went into the hospital. Over the past 3 weeks I  have received 6 blood transfusions and still they can not figure out where the bleeding is coming from.  Test after test have given the doctors no answers.  The bleeding would stop and then start more transfusions more hospital stays still no answers.

I realized something that morning in the hospital.    It isn’t about trusting in the doctors to find the answers.  It isn’t about trusting the nurses to care for me or even in my family or friends. It is all about trusting in the Lord.  It isn’t always easy when you see the long and winding road but that is when you get into trouble, looking at the length of the road.  

Psalm 119:105 says;

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

I remember reading a book by Stormie Ormartian titled; Just enough light for the step I’m on.

 She said that the word lamp in that passage refers to an oil lamp that was placed on the toe of a sandal.  It gave just enough light for one step. 

That is what God’s word is for us, just enough light for the next step.  He gives me strength for just the next step, nothing more.  That is all I need.  That is all any of us need. It’s just not what we want!

I know I want to know what is at the end of this long and winding road. Where will it lead? How will it end? WHEN will it end?  But that is not what He has promised us. His promise is just enough light for the next step.

What about you?  Are you looking at the length of the journey and like me getting discouraged.  Are you looking down the long and winding road? 
Let’s together remember that the light that He gives is just enough to light the next step.  Let’s trust each step to Him, believing that He sees the whole picture and He loves us enough to walk the path with us.

He will never leave or forsake us!

Let’s, each of us, look to Jesus and His word to give us the strength and courage to take the next step knowing He is guiding us and leading us HOME!

Life is Hard!

Let's face it life is hard.
 My dad, who will be 90 in September, had open heart surgery this past week.  I flew down to Florida to be with him and my mom.  My mom will be 88 the end of this month and for the two of them life is hard.  Mom has trouble getting around and uses a walker.  Now Dad will need additional care and Mom worries that she will not be able to handle it. Mom says growing old isn't for sissy's.
As I watch the two of them struggle with the physical limitations that age brings I am reminded that life is hard.
God does not promise us an easy life. He doesn't even promise us a good life but what He does promise us is that He will journey along side of us.  He will not leave us alone or forsaken.  He will not abandon us in our time of trial.
As I watch my parents age, I see their love for each other grow sweeter, and it is a great blessing.
Growing up my parents fought A LOT! I mean A LOT! But when God got ahold of their lives, at 59 & 60!! He radically changed the course of their lives and the lives of our whole family.
In Joel 2:25 , God says He will restore the years the locust has eaten.  The word restore means to give back or return.  He will restore what the enemy has stolen from us. 
I have seen that scripture truth manifested in the lives of my parents.  God has given them a love for each other that is sweet to witness. When we walk into the hospital room my dad's face lights up when he sees my mom.  My mom lovingly looks at him and says to me, "He's my man and I love him so."  The years the enemy robbed from them, God has given back 100 fold.
So yes, life is hard, trials come BUT God is good.  God is faithful! He is a restorer.
When you look back on your life and see all that you allowed the devil to take, remember God is a restorer
When you look at life and see it as hard, remember God is good! Oh so very good.
My heart sings tonight, because even when things are hard, my God shows me again and again that He is here and He is all I need!
Yes life is hard, but God is good!

Attitude

1Thessolonians 5:17 in the Message says; 

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

How in the world do I do that?  I mean, take any given day and I can list at least a dozen reasons why I would struggle to be cheerful! Look at the newspaper or listen to the news and there are about a dozen reasons not to be cheerful.  Look at the checkbook or the price of gas or who my kid is hanging out with, more reasons NOT to be cheerful. So what does he mean when he says, “be cheerful no matter what”?

Paul goes on to say, pray all the time.

 What? Pray all the time?  Now, how am I supposed to do that?? I pray before going to bed, before each meal, and when I need a parking spot, but ALL the time? Is that even possible?

Then Paul says; thank God no matter what happens.

Ok now he is just going too far. No matter what happens, I am supposed to thank God?

Even when;

The car breaks down?

The check book bounces?

My son comes home with a tattoo?

Why? Because Paul says; this is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

This is too hard, Lord. I can’t do this.

That is exactly how I felt when I went to a retreat years ago.  It was while I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah and I was so very grateful someone had paid my way to attend this weekend retreat.  With a 2 year old  I desperately longed for a “girls only” weekend.   As I pulled up to the beautiful lodge, I was overwhelmed with appreciation for the privilege of being with so many other godly women.  The theme of the retreat was; Pray without ceasing, 1Thessolonians 5:17. 

I don’t remember the name of the speaker but  25 years later I can remember what she said.  She was maybe all of 5 feet tall and in her late 70’s.  She had a very soft voice but what she said spoke volumes into my life.

She began with posing the same questions I had struggled with over this idea of praying without ceasing.

She began,

The secret of praying without ceasing, to be thankful no matter what, is to live in an attitude of prayer and thanksgiving. When you are folding your clothes, thank God that you have clothes to wear then thank God that you have a child who wears those clothes and then you can go right into praying for that child. Thank you Jesus that you gave me this son. May he learn to walk with you and stay close to you all his days.  May he marry a godly woman and love her as You love the church, Lord.  Keep her pure and close to your heart. “

Wow I thought all that while folding his shirt!

She went on;

When you are making your beds thank God for the comfort of sleep. Pray that your sleep would be sweet and that God would continue to pour out His blessings on your family. As you fluff up the pillow, pray that God would lift up your head and keep you in His care. 

 I was beginning to get excited.  I could do that, I thought.  Even though I was a young mom, home with my toddler, I really could pray all day.

I will never forget how she ended that first talk.  She said;

I got so excited when I was doing the dishes one night, thanking God for the wonderful meal that these dirty dishes represented, praying for my husband as he worked to provide for us, I turned the plate over and saw it was made in China and I went on to pray for my persecuted brothers and sisters in the church in China!

Her enthusiasm was contagious, Praying without ceasing was possible! It is all about attitude.

Her words radically changed the way I lived.  I purposed to live in an attitude of prayer and thanksgiving.  Now when I look at that scripture,

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you, who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

I have come to understand that Paul is telling us that because we belong to Christ Jesus, live in an attitude of prayer and thanksgiving. If you do, then you can be cheerful no matter what. You will understand that it is God who is in control. It is God who is bigger than your problem.  It is the God of the Universe who deeply loves your child more than you do. Your eyes will be on Jesus not the problem.  You can be cheerful because He is your source of joy!
When our attitude is fixed on Jesus we can have a joy that is unexplainable, a peace that is unending and a calm in the midst of chaos that is beyond words.

You can be thankful no matter what because HE is worthy of our thanks.

And as Paul says, that’s the way we should live, we who belong to Jesus!

Roadtrip!

I traveled to Florida over spring break this year with four 20(ish) year olds.  Two my own,  two friends and our little dog.  The plan was to drive from Michigan to Ohio where we would pick up my daughters friend, rest for the night and then make the 17 ½ hour drive to Florida. I was thinking that breaking up the drive like that would work out great.  I borrowed a car top carrier from a friend to store the luggage making more room for the kids and the dog. 

Our first “hiccup” came before we even left Michigan.  The car top carrier would not fit on the top of the car.  Since I don’t have any luggage racks there was nothing to attach the carrier to. The boys worked for about an hour in the cold and rain trying to figure it out. But in the end they made the decision that we really didn’t need the car top carrier.  It was only 17 ½ hours and yes they would be cramped but they were sure that one more person and her luggage would not make it too awful.

We arrived in Ohio slightly past midnight and all headed to bed. The plan was to get up before the sun rose, load up the car with the additional luggage and begin our Florida adventure!

We all got up and I sent the boys out to pack up the car.  They quickly returned with a dismal report.  There was no room for more luggage and an additional rider.  After a quick look I had to agree, there was seriously no room. We had to do something.   I had my son check on his smart phone for a U-Haul close by.  I remembered that U-Haul rented car top carriers.  We found that there was one just 1 mile away and they opened at 7am and it was 6:55am!  Eureka! God was with us!! We got there just as they opened only to find that they in fact do not rent car top carriers. The did sell 2 different kinds.  Both, however needed a luggage rack in order to attach to a vehicle.  Discouraged, we walked out to the car and noticed a Wal-Mart right across the street open 24 hours!!  My passengers were ecstatic with the hope of a reprieve from the cramped confines of the car. 

Through the pouring rain we trekked across the street, sure that the friendly people of Wal-Mart would not let us down. We were not disappointed! They had a carrier but we needed to purchase a set of poles that would work as luggage racks.  Our problem was solved! 

We headed across the street to a covered gas station for the boys to first attach the poles and then the car top carrier. After about an hour of the boys trying to figure out how to put the poles together, my daughters’ friend suggested we take the poles and the new car top carrier to a local auto mechanic that had worked on her familys cars.

We arrived at the shop at 8:30 Saturday morning.  Jim, the owner was there to help.  After trying numerous ideas, he was able to attach our newly purchased car top carrier minus those pesky poles. He worked for 3 hours on a Saturday morning and yet refused to take any money for his time. We were so very grateful! 

11:30 we pulled out of the garage, almost 6 hours past our original planned departure time.  And now we were hungry and tired!  We ate and finally at 1:30 in the afternoon we were on our way.  17 ½ hours to go, but we were on our way none the less.  We were already tired and cranky!

 I have to tell you it was the longest 18 hours of my life!!   I kept texting my friend who encouraged me to keep my eyes on the prize, warmth and blue waters. All we saw was rain..all the way! What a relief to see the sun and blue waters at our condo early Sunday morning!

I learned two very important lessons on this trip.

The first is from Philippians 4:4; Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!

Paul repeats the command to rejoice.  I think it’s because it isn’t always easy.  I know it was very difficult over those 18 hours to rejoice.  Rejoicing in the Lord is a choice.  It isn’t in our nature to rejoice.  Our nature is to grumble and complain.  But God calls us to Rejoice in Him always!

The second very important lesson I learned?     Next time fly!